This journey continues to get harder everyday. Each time I think we're looking up something slams us back to the agonizing reality that is currently our life. Georgia has had a fever since Monday, slowly creeping higher and higher. At 3:30am this morning our nurse woke me up to let me know that one of the blood cultures that had been drawn the day before came back positive for bacteria. They started her immediately on a bigger more specific antibiotic. The hope was that the fever would break and essentially problem solved... all day each time I heard the beep of the thermometer I thought it must be lower, quite the opposite at last check Georgia's fever was almost 103. She is scheduled for a CT scan tomorrow to rule out a possible fungal infection, although it doesn't sound like the docs think that is what's going on it is something they have to rule out. A CT scan means sedation, I can't tell you how much I do not want to walk my baby into another procedure room and hold her until she goes limp in my arms... enough already, dear god this is enough!
I have spent the day holding her listening so her little grunts that let me know she is in pain, we upped her pain medication drip and gave her several bolus doses today. Her new pain medication seems to cause some of the same problems, the drip is alright but the bolus doses leave her so itchy she seems worse off. Tonight she was upset and I realized that I didn't recognize her cry, it was one that reminded me of a newborn. Everyone here keeps reminding me that we are in the thick of it, the worst of the worst and in the same breath the docs say she is still doing well.
I am beyond exausted but feel the need to stay on top of what is going on and understand what the next day brings, I think the doctors are sick of me asking so many questions but I am too tired to care.
Courage is not defined by how loud you can roar, courage can be heard in a soft voice that says at the end of the day – ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
ReplyDeleteTricia, Very profound and correct.
ReplyDeleteAlison, Hang in there... what else can you do? Keep asking the questions. The parent who doesn't ask is the person who should not be a parent or one who has lost hope. There is always hope. Georgia will get through this. She will heal. She has the best parents in the world. Know that we are all praying for all 3 of you every day and night.