As Sunday draws closer I find myself enjoying all of the simple things that being home allows for... I really feel how comfortable my mattress is, I make sure to have a beer or glass of wine every night, we're going for a lot of walks and appreciating that I am able to take just a couple of steps between my refrigerator and my kitchen table. It is so hard to believe that three months ago today all of this began. I remember talking to Brian on the way to Children's hospital that day, saying we were going for an xray.. he asked if he should meet us there and I said "by the time you get there we'll be on our way home.." I have never in my life been so blindsided. I think about all that Georgia has been through, how she was hoarse from crying so much, that she had seven different attempts at three IV sites, how our entire world became unrecognizable and words that I had tried hard to forget, words like malignant, chemotherapy and cancer were finding their way back into my life.
As we gear up to go back into the hospital I am trying to put on a brave face for Georgia but instead find myself telling her that just because I'm crying it doesn't mean I don't believe everything is going to be ok - I know it will be.. in the same breath I want to beg my 13 month old daughter for forgiveness, tell her that I am so sorry she has to go through chemotherapy again. I believe, I know with all of my heart and soul that Georgia is going to come through this just fine, she will be healthy again and free from Leukemia... how we have to get there is what I'm scared of.
Tonight we played our "Georgia Dance Music" cd that Grammy made for us... we did lots and lots of twirling... you can't do that when you're hooked up to an IV so we're getting in some extra twirls in now until we can again.