Leap and the net will appear, everything happens for a reason, positive thoughts bring positive results... these are phrases that I live by but right now would like to yell WHERE IS THE NET? THERE CAN'T POSSIBLY BE A REASON and I PUT IN THE THOUGHTS WHERE ARE MY RESULTS? But more than anything I want to scream STOP, this is too hard on her. This process is so much harder than I anticipated. Georgia sailed through AML chemo which I was told was somewhat similar to this regimen but this is infinitely harder.
Again last night there was no sleep, her heart rate was elevated and they couldn't figure out why.. she got extra fluids, no help, extra pain meds, no help. At about 7am this morning she spiked a fever and has had it all day. The only good news is that with a fever you qualify for Tylenol, this has helped her teething and sore throat throughout the day.
Georgia and I spent literally all day in bed, she would sleep between getting sick and I would try to between visits from the transplant team, pain team, oral care team and our normal vital checks. If I moved an inch she was grabbing for me so I just stayed, willing to do anything to make her feel better. This evening when I thought she was feeling better I pointed to the door and asked if she wanted to go out, she hesitated then pointed. We made it half way through our normal loop and she got sick so we crawled back in bed and she slept. Overnight is always the hardest time for Georgia, I can't figure out why but know for myself that when I'm sick I always feel worse at night. I had a meltdown this evening after she got sick, I just held her and rocked her and told her how sorry I am.
Tonight has shown some improvement, I was able to leave the room without a meltdown, she played with daddy and we even Skyped with Auntie Leslie. The highlight was watching her pull every single tissue out of the box and hand them one by one to Brian and I... and when one of our favorite nurses came is she was so kind to offer one to her as well.
I haven't lost my optimistic slant and have never wavered even one iota on if things will be just fine but man this is hard.
I have been quietly following your blog since early October. There were so many times I wanted to comment, or send well wishes- but no matter what I would write it never seemed like enough. Your last few entries have had me desperately yelling at my computer- "NO more! Please get f&*@ing better!!" I wanted to let you know that I think about all three of you every day. I pass your blog along to my friends that are religious with daily prayers, and I show my kids how strong and brave Georgia is. I hope that some of my many tears shed for a beautiful little girl I've never met- can somehow be wishes that come true for your family. Please continue your daily mantra of optimism and know that you have me dedicating each yoga practice, each smile from my kids, each tear on my keyboard to all of you...
ReplyDeleteXOXO Antonella
You mean they didn't tell you it was going to get worse before it gets better? How could they forget THAT little nugget? Georgia... I want to ake away the pain and fear from the all of this insanity. When I talk about this, the reaction is always the same. "it's one thing for a grown up who can understand what's going on but for a baby?" All I can hope for now is rapid recovery (as rapid as can be!) and for the pain and fear to be forgotten. We as the grown ups and mom and dad will remember the pain for you!
ReplyDeleteSending much love and healing power your way!!
Alison,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the strength and courage, we are all thinking of you guys and praying for Georgia to get better, she certainly is a strong little baby....hummm must be your daughter. Love to all of you
D
I am a friend of Dana Hutt's. She told me about Georgia and I am not checking in no her everyday. Her story has captured my heart and prayers! Praying for a good night for her and the fever to leave!! I really believe in prayers and will keep them coming for her!!!
ReplyDeleteHello Handsakers-
ReplyDeleteWe have been following your blog ever since we left the hospital. From someone who has been through what you are going through right now, the only thing I can say is that it will get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it is hard, but you need to try and take care of yourself during this time too.
We will try to bring Ryan by and visit soon.
Stay strong! The Peterson Family