Put Up Your Dukes

This week was supposed to be one that ended with us feeling like we had a big hurdle behind us but instead we've only discovered one more. 

The message I received from Georgia's oncologist on Tuesday evening had Brian and I breathing a sigh of relief, the conversation I had with her Thursday left my adrenaline pumping.  Thursday afternoon my phone rang, the dreaded 987-000, Children's Hospital.  When I picked up the phone our scheduler was on the other end, calling to get Georgia set up for her next MRI which would include sedation.. instantly I felt my heart pound and adrenaline flow.  The last I'd heard there was hope that Georgia wouldn't need to be sedated again.. then I heard her say the SCCA wanted her to have the MRI before our appointment next week, heart pounding faster, why, what am I missing, is this more urgent than I thought?  Many of the questions I had she couldn't answer but assured me our oncologist would call me that evening.  The MRI was scheduled for Thursday afternoon and we hung up. 

My heart continued to pound and I couldn't calm myself down, I couldn't shake the overwhelming feeling of wanting to yell at everyone to leave Georgia alone!

That evening the phone rang again with the same dreaded number and I knew it was our doctor.  We had our first conversation about the MRI results.  For the first time since we started this journey almost 18 months ago I said to her, "from what I read on the internet..." this is not something I do, the internet is a dangerous place and one I do not count on for accurate information but I'd wanted to understand more about benign bone cysts.  I said that from everything I'd read diagnosis is typically done using plain x-ray, not an MRI.  Essentially she said she wasn't the expert and would touch base with the orthopedic doctor to see what his thoughts were.  She then said that the radiologist and the orthopedic doc differ in opinion on what this is, and there again my heart was pounding.  We finished our conversation talking about the reason the MRI happened in the first place, Georgia's femur.  She said is looks the same, that there are abnormalities in both of her legs, likely caused by the leukemia and the chemotherapy.  My heart sank, no one wants to hear that damage has been done to their child.  This disease and in turn the treatment have scared my daughters body and that makes me unbelievably sad.

This morning I heard my phone ringing and saw Children's was calling again, hello, I said, "Alison" the voice said, "Chappie Conrad."  Chappie Conrad is our orthopedic doctor, very well known to be an expert in his field and a no B.S. kind of guy.  I had a honest conversation with him about what he believes is a benign bone cyst.  He said that it is very uncommon for a malignancy to move down the limb and that the spot that showed up on the MRI is not typical for a malignancy.  He agreed that the next step should be an x-ray followed up by an MRI in three months.  He also wants to get an x-ray of Georgia's growth plate on her femur to make sure she is growing properly.  Kids growth is often slowed by transplant, but he assured me most catch up within two to three years.  We are scheduled to see him next Friday afternoon.

This week I was so quickly thrown back into the what ifs and wanting to negotiate my soul with God.  I have spent much of it in fight or flight mode and had to come to terms with the fact that "flight" isn't an option.. so to anything and everything that may stand in the way of Georgia's complete and total health, we're not only here to fight, we're here to win.