Before agreeing to be in the Gilda's Club fashion show I asked myself two questions, would it be safe for Georgia and would she have fun doing it.  I talked with the coordinators and designers about the need to only interact with healthy people and her doctors encouraged us to do the show.  As the process began it felt good to see Georgia enjoy needing to be somewhere other than a doctors appointment.  As Georgia warmed up to it all I found myself shying away.
I hemmed and hawed for days on whether or not to have her participate in the TV show and struggled to focus on writing her bio for the fashion show - I kept asking myself, what's your problem?  This fashion show was forcing me to look back and the pain that comes with that is almost unbearable.  I try so hard to focus on today and what we need to do to move forward.  It's convenient to think the rest would just fade away, what I realized over the last several weeks it that it's all there, tucked neatly, just under the surface.  I had to let go of the fact that the people seeing her on TV or today could never understand the scars that we will have forever.
Today, Georgia had a great time and so did I.  She smiled, hearing the cheers from the over 700 guests as we walked the runway, she waved and even blew a kiss to the crowd.  It's such a mix of emotions to want to celebrate in the midst of breaking down, my two and a half year old was cheered for today because she's darling and sweet and because she is surviving cancer.  Despite all of the emotions that have been stirred up I am really glad we did the show, Georgia had fun and that is certainly the direction I want to go.

Pictures to come . . . .