Georgia's doctor asked that we repeat labs one month after her last set instead of three because one of her numbers was high. She'd said that it was fine to do them in four to six week, whenever was convenient. I took this to heart and kept putting them off, trying to feed Georgia just the right things, making sure she slept enough, one little thing would come up and I would push out the labs again. I found myself in an uncomfortable but all too familiar place, wanting to believe that nothing was wrong, but having a hard time ignoring the voice in my head, particularly when I was up at 2am feeding Leo. All of those "what ifs" and "please, please" one woman conversations that never come from a rational place. Two things circling the Internet this week only fed my fear, but both of them are beautiful and amazing. I'm happy to report that all of Georgia's labs came back normal, I wanted to share these things that had such an impact on me.
Soulumination has received a lot of worldwide press recently, in the two articles I've seen there is a photo of Georgia, it's from our first Soul shoot, she's 11 months old and had just finished chemo for her leg. I hadn't looked at this picture in a very long time, one glance and the memories came flooding back. To my knowledge Georgia is the only survivor amongst the pictures shown.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2327262/Soulumination-Photographers-capture-images-families-ravaged-terminal-illness.html
This video is incredible, we should all take note of how this young man lived his life.
http://www.upworthy.com/this-kid-just-died-what-he-left-behind-is-wondtacular-rip
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Two Months Old
My sweet baby boy, how the time is flying! Today you are two months old, you look however like you are about five months old. This week we had your two month check up where you tipped the scales at 14lbs 14oz, you are in the "grater than" 95th percentile for both height and weight. You have started smiling and cooing, and you are spending much more time alert and active. Despite the smothering of your sisters constant hugs you light up when she comes to "play" with you, she tries to be so helpful but we're still working on giving you space, aka not doing everything one inch from your face. You are still waking up every three hours (at best) through the night which is normal but your mama sure would enjoy a few longer stretches. You are strong, I mean really strong, we can pull you up to a standing position and you hold you own very well in the Bumbo chair. Thankfully (and unlike your sister) you easily take a bottle and will even take a pacifier.
Your brown eyes melt my heart and you are incredibly kissable. You have an opinion and aren't shy about sharing it when necessary but if your needs are met you're a pretty mellow little guy. Daddy calls you "L" and your sister calls you "missy moo" ... this is what we often call her so I think she believes it applies to all little ones, and it's pretty cute. Leo, you're my handsome fella and I love you to pieces.
Your brown eyes melt my heart and you are incredibly kissable. You have an opinion and aren't shy about sharing it when necessary but if your needs are met you're a pretty mellow little guy. Daddy calls you "L" and your sister calls you "missy moo" ... this is what we often call her so I think she believes it applies to all little ones, and it's pretty cute. Leo, you're my handsome fella and I love you to pieces.
Georgia "sharing" Leo's play mat with him..
The Unexpected Gift
Last week I celebrated my 36 birthday, I have reached the age where I have to stop and think about how old I am... just weeks earlier I told my sister I was turning 35 and wholeheartedly believed it. I knew it would be a good day simply because Brian was home, it turned out to be far better than expected. Brian told me the night before that I needed to be somewhere the next afternoon, that morning, he and Georgia handed me a card and a gift certificate. Brian had scheduled a 90 minute facial for me and even added in an eyebrow wax, clearly my husband is learning what makes a good gift, make that a really good gift!
I was off to the spa, so excited to enjoy some peace and quiet, relaxation and a little time to rejuvenate. The facial was amazing, at one point I was certain my body was one with the table. When I was finished I texted Brian to say I'd be home shortly, he sent a message back saying that both kids were napping and to take my time, well, I thought, I don't mind if I do! I showered and got ready and decided to return a few happy birthday messages I'd received. I was about ready to go but wanted to do a quick check of my email, I looked down, and there it was, his name, Georgia's bone marrow donor had written back.
About two weeks before my birthday I'd received word from the SCCA that Georgia's donor had agreed to give his contact information to us, I remember just looking at his name and starting to cry, the emotion of putting a name with her donor had much more of an impact than I had expected. I'd sent and email with pictures and was hoping to hear back, the message I received on my birthday was the most unexpected, most incredible gift.
So there I was, sitting in the spa locker room, reading this email with tears streaming down my face. His email was kind, funny and full of information about himself and his experience donating his bone marrow. During college he saw a bone marrow registry drive for a little German girl battling leukemia, at approximately 22 years old he signed up hoping to help. I am still a bit baffled by this, I don't know many 22 year old men who would have taken the time, let alone followed through several years later. He referred to Georgia his genetic twin and I'm happy to report we are now connected on FaceBook.
A few days passed and on Sunday we celebrated Mother's Day, I couldn't help but think of him again as I watched Georgia running around in the backyard and holding Leo in my arms. In my letter to him I didn't know how to accurately express our gratitude, after trying to come up with just the right words, I simply wrote, you didn't just save our daughter, you saved our family. I've always known I wanted to be a mother but it wasn't until I met my children that I have felt with such certainty that they are the reason I'm here, I was put on this planet to be their mom, for that, I'm grateful.
I look forward to communicating more with him and perhaps one day he will meet our amazing girl and his genetic twin.
Here are a few pictures of the two little people who push me beyond my limits, deprive me of sleep and who I love with every fiber of my being...
I was off to the spa, so excited to enjoy some peace and quiet, relaxation and a little time to rejuvenate. The facial was amazing, at one point I was certain my body was one with the table. When I was finished I texted Brian to say I'd be home shortly, he sent a message back saying that both kids were napping and to take my time, well, I thought, I don't mind if I do! I showered and got ready and decided to return a few happy birthday messages I'd received. I was about ready to go but wanted to do a quick check of my email, I looked down, and there it was, his name, Georgia's bone marrow donor had written back.
About two weeks before my birthday I'd received word from the SCCA that Georgia's donor had agreed to give his contact information to us, I remember just looking at his name and starting to cry, the emotion of putting a name with her donor had much more of an impact than I had expected. I'd sent and email with pictures and was hoping to hear back, the message I received on my birthday was the most unexpected, most incredible gift.
So there I was, sitting in the spa locker room, reading this email with tears streaming down my face. His email was kind, funny and full of information about himself and his experience donating his bone marrow. During college he saw a bone marrow registry drive for a little German girl battling leukemia, at approximately 22 years old he signed up hoping to help. I am still a bit baffled by this, I don't know many 22 year old men who would have taken the time, let alone followed through several years later. He referred to Georgia his genetic twin and I'm happy to report we are now connected on FaceBook.
A few days passed and on Sunday we celebrated Mother's Day, I couldn't help but think of him again as I watched Georgia running around in the backyard and holding Leo in my arms. In my letter to him I didn't know how to accurately express our gratitude, after trying to come up with just the right words, I simply wrote, you didn't just save our daughter, you saved our family. I've always known I wanted to be a mother but it wasn't until I met my children that I have felt with such certainty that they are the reason I'm here, I was put on this planet to be their mom, for that, I'm grateful.
I look forward to communicating more with him and perhaps one day he will meet our amazing girl and his genetic twin.
Here are a few pictures of the two little people who push me beyond my limits, deprive me of sleep and who I love with every fiber of my being...
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
My lack of posts has nothing to do with lack of activity, it has to do with lack of hands and time! Life is good, I am trying to adjust to a new space in the world, the month after Leo was born was amazing, a whole new focus and a feeling of peace. On Leo's one month birthday Georgia had her first clinic appointment, I was so upset, I wanted life before Leo to be in the rear view mirror but the clinic appointment was a reminder that will never be the case. In the same breath, I was excited to show Leo to the folks at the clinic, particularly our doctor who has been such a big part of our lives for the last 2 1/2 years.
Georgia's appointment was fine, but could have been better, one of her labs is elevated that suggests "revved up" bone marrow. Instead of coming back in three months, we are going back next week to have the level rechecked. It's likely this level has something to do with an allergy of some sort but nevertheless it increases my stress level. I have tried to keep myself in check and know that she is healthy.
I am learning a new role, in addition to being a mother of two, I am trying find a balance between natural concern for newborn things and out of control fear. After battling my brain a few weeks ago I ended up taking Leo to the doctor to have a few minor things checked out, his doctor is Georgia's doctor and the one who sent us for that first "quick x-ray" so she knows our whole story. I walked in and started to tell her about this little skin irritation that I couldn't decide if it was baby acne or a rash and almost immediately broke down. I feel like my "mom compass" isn't to be trusted, I looked at our doctor, tears in my eyes and said, "I should have known, I should have known she was sick." Never in the few days before Georgia was admitted to the hospital when we were icing her leg did I think something like cancer was even possible - why? I don't blame myself but I can't help but feel like I shouldn't trust myself. That internal voice that usually chimes in when you're in a panic and says, it's fine, everything is fine, is gone, I have seen how not "fine" things can be and it's terrifying. This is where I have work to do, I look at Leo and see all the ways he is different than Georgia and try and tell myself that there's no way we will go through this again but I know there are no guarantees even after being told that we are at as much risk as the average person.
I'm a work in progress, as we all are so I am trying to keep my fears at bay by looking at my two beautiful children and enjoying it all, even the pull-your-hair-out, stop-pushing-my-button moments.
Georgia's appointment was fine, but could have been better, one of her labs is elevated that suggests "revved up" bone marrow. Instead of coming back in three months, we are going back next week to have the level rechecked. It's likely this level has something to do with an allergy of some sort but nevertheless it increases my stress level. I have tried to keep myself in check and know that she is healthy.
I am learning a new role, in addition to being a mother of two, I am trying find a balance between natural concern for newborn things and out of control fear. After battling my brain a few weeks ago I ended up taking Leo to the doctor to have a few minor things checked out, his doctor is Georgia's doctor and the one who sent us for that first "quick x-ray" so she knows our whole story. I walked in and started to tell her about this little skin irritation that I couldn't decide if it was baby acne or a rash and almost immediately broke down. I feel like my "mom compass" isn't to be trusted, I looked at our doctor, tears in my eyes and said, "I should have known, I should have known she was sick." Never in the few days before Georgia was admitted to the hospital when we were icing her leg did I think something like cancer was even possible - why? I don't blame myself but I can't help but feel like I shouldn't trust myself. That internal voice that usually chimes in when you're in a panic and says, it's fine, everything is fine, is gone, I have seen how not "fine" things can be and it's terrifying. This is where I have work to do, I look at Leo and see all the ways he is different than Georgia and try and tell myself that there's no way we will go through this again but I know there are no guarantees even after being told that we are at as much risk as the average person.
I'm a work in progress, as we all are so I am trying to keep my fears at bay by looking at my two beautiful children and enjoying it all, even the pull-your-hair-out, stop-pushing-my-button moments.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)