The thought of going back into the hospital is literally nauseating to me. Yesterday Georgia was a little cranky so I took her temperature, I was shocked to read 101.2. I panicked, told Brian, we referred to our "what to do" sheet from Children's and read that we should call for anything over 100.9.. dammit. I called and left a message for the triage nurse, by the time she called me back her temperature was down to 99.3.. ahh I thought, we dodged a bullet. The nurse said that it didn't matter that her temp was down, she'd officially spiked a fever which bought us a trip to Children's for blood cultures and an evaluation. By the time we arrived Georgia was at a normal temperature and showing off her dance moves. I didn't get the sense that many people are sent home once you come in for a fever but since she seemed to be doing so well, after getting her blood counts back and consulting with our SCCA doctor we were free to go - this of course on the stipulation that if she spiked another fever or anything grows back in the blood cultures we would certainly be admitted.
Georgia took a nap while Brian and I talked about how we can't go back in... it's not even the day to day living in the hospital, it's the constant critique of everything - diapers, calories, temperature, counts... I can't do it. There is a large part of me that worries that the world is going to say.. wanna bet?
I'm tired and scared, I want to feel like we're moving forward and that Georgia's system can handle this but I don't know if that's true. All of this is a constant reminder of how much her little body has been put through and that is incredibly painful. There are so many things that I want to protect her from, I think it's natural for a parent to feel that way.. cancer and a bone marrow transplant were never on my radar.
My bag is half packed but I am hoping and praying that we can evade the boogie man that I feel like we are constantly running from.
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