The Unexpected Gift

Last week I celebrated my 36 birthday, I have reached the age where I have to stop and think about how old I am... just weeks earlier I told my sister I was turning 35 and wholeheartedly believed it.  I knew it would be a good day simply because Brian was home, it turned out to be far better than expected.  Brian told me the night before that I needed to be somewhere the next afternoon, that morning, he and Georgia handed me a card and a gift certificate.  Brian had scheduled a 90 minute facial for me and even added in an eyebrow wax, clearly my husband is learning what makes a good gift, make that a really good gift!
I was off to the spa, so excited to enjoy some peace and quiet, relaxation and a little time to rejuvenate.  The facial was amazing, at one point I was certain my body was one with the table.  When I was finished I texted Brian to say I'd be home shortly, he sent a message back saying that both kids were napping and to take my time, well, I thought, I don't mind if I do!  I showered and got ready and decided to return a few happy birthday messages I'd received.  I was about ready to go but wanted to do a quick check of my email, I looked down, and there it was, his name, Georgia's bone marrow donor had written back.
About two weeks before my birthday I'd received word from the SCCA that Georgia's donor had agreed to give his contact information to us, I remember just looking at his name and starting to cry, the emotion of putting a name with her donor had much more of an impact than I had expected.   I'd sent and email with pictures and was hoping to hear back, the message I received on my birthday was the most unexpected, most incredible gift.
So there I was, sitting in the spa locker room, reading this email with tears streaming down my face. His email was kind, funny and full of information about himself and his experience donating his bone marrow.  During college he saw a bone marrow registry drive for a little German girl battling leukemia, at approximately 22 years old he signed up hoping to help.  I am still a bit baffled by this, I don't know many 22 year old men who would have taken the time, let alone followed through several years later.  He referred to Georgia his genetic twin and I'm happy to report we are now connected on FaceBook. 
A few days passed and on Sunday we celebrated Mother's Day, I couldn't help but think of him again as I watched Georgia running around in the backyard and holding Leo in my arms.  In my letter to him I didn't know how to accurately express our gratitude, after trying to come up with just the right words, I simply wrote, you didn't just save our daughter, you saved our family.  I've always known I wanted to be a mother but it wasn't until I met my children that I have felt with such certainty that they are the reason I'm here, I was put on this planet to be their mom, for that, I'm grateful.
I look forward to communicating more with him and perhaps one day he will meet our amazing girl and his genetic twin.

Here are a few pictures of the two little people who push me beyond my limits, deprive me of sleep and who I love with every fiber of my being...

My lack of posts has nothing to do with lack of activity, it has to do with lack of hands and time!  Life is good, I am trying to adjust to a new space in the world, the month after Leo was born was amazing, a whole new focus and a feeling of peace.  On Leo's one month birthday Georgia had her first clinic appointment, I was so upset, I wanted life before Leo to be in the rear view mirror but the clinic appointment was a reminder that will never be the case.  In the same breath, I was excited to show Leo to the folks at the clinic, particularly our doctor who has been such a big part of our lives for the last 2 1/2 years. 
Georgia's appointment was fine, but could have been better, one of her labs is elevated that suggests "revved up" bone marrow.  Instead of coming back in three months, we are going back next week to have the level rechecked.  It's likely this level has something to do with an allergy of some sort but nevertheless it increases my stress level.  I have tried to keep myself in check and know that she is healthy.
I am learning a new role, in addition to being a mother of two, I am trying find a balance between natural concern for newborn things and out of control fear.  After battling my brain a few weeks ago I ended up taking Leo to the doctor to have a few minor things checked out, his doctor is Georgia's doctor and the one who sent us for that first "quick x-ray" so she knows our whole story.  I walked in and started to tell her about this little skin irritation that I couldn't decide if it was baby acne or a rash and almost immediately broke down.  I feel like my "mom compass" isn't to be trusted, I looked at our doctor, tears in my eyes and said, "I should have known, I should have known she was sick."  Never in the few days before Georgia was admitted to the hospital when we were icing her leg did I think something like cancer was even possible - why?  I don't blame myself but I can't help but feel like I shouldn't trust myself.  That internal voice that usually chimes in when you're in a panic and says, it's fine, everything is fine, is gone, I have seen how not "fine" things can be and it's terrifying.  This is where I have work to do, I look at Leo and see all the ways he is different than Georgia and try and tell myself that there's no way we will go through this again but I know there are no guarantees even after being told that we are at as much risk as the average person.
I'm a work in progress, as we all are so I am trying to keep my fears at bay by looking at my two beautiful children and enjoying it all, even the pull-your-hair-out, stop-pushing-my-button moments.

My Loves

My two little darlings are cuter than ever these days, Georgia continues to love being a big sister and Leo is growing like a weed, at last check he was in the 95% for height and weight!  Despite the age and ability difference these two are two peas in a pod!

 

 In their matching robe and sleeper

 

 Morning snuggles

 

 Leo LOVES the bath, so fitting for my Pisces

 Bath time beauty

 

 I really don't think he could be cuter!

 

 My strong boy can hold himself up in the Bumbo

 

If he can do it so can I!

One Month

Leo,
Yesterday you turned one month old, it's so hard to believe we only met you four short weeks ago.  In the past month you have been doing some serious growing, at 3 1/2 weeks you were 11lbs 10oz!  Your eyes quickly turned dark brown, something that came from daddy, and I like to think a little from Grandma Claudia too.  You and Georgia certainly looked related but you have features that are uniquely yours, namely your cleft chin, no one knows where this came from. Your sister adores you, each morning coming in and giving you kisses on the head saying, "hi bud!" in a high pitch voice that mommies are know to use.  You're a snuggler and prefer to be held, you love the bath and are overall a pretty mellow little guy.  You have a sweetness about you I can't quite describe, in the past month you have brought such a sense of peace to our family.  Of course things with a newborn are hectic but there is a new calm that arrived with you, things just seem to flow better, seem calmer and that brings such a feeling of completeness to our family.  We love you Leo and can't wait to see what adventures lie ahead.

 Proud Papa

 

 Can you feel the love?

 

So curious and so strong!

 Having a little father & son chat

 

 Good talk son

 

My hunk of burnin' love

Sweetness

A couple of days ago I got the rest of our family photos from Leo's newborn shoot, I kept looking and looking at the pictures, thrilled with images that Michelle captured and filled up by looking at the sheer sweetness of my beautiful children.

Leo's pictures were taken in Michelle's studio which she keeps very warm so the little babes will stay asleep.  We all gathered in as she worked and as time went by layers started coming off.  Georgia had been fully dressed but ended up in just her jeans, while going through Michelle's treasures she found an orange necklace and immediately put it on.  Brian took off his grey shirt leaving only his plain white t-shirt and we continued to watch Leo sleep peacefully.  Just before she finished she asked if I wanted a few shots with Leo, sure, I said!  I scooped him up and just as Michelle started to shoot, Georgia jumped in the picture, never wanting to miss an opportunity for a photo!  Minutes later, Brian was in the shot, what was captured is so us, nothing fancy, but all happily together, I love it.  

Here are some of my favorites from the day...

Photos

We have a lot of pictures that I cherish, when Georgia was first diagnosed there was a sense of wanting to protect her, writing about what's going on is one thing, showing pictures of your daughter who has a horrible rash and is losing her hair is quite another.  I'm so glad that I moved past those feelings, we have been so fortunate to have some amazing photographers capture moments of pure joy during such a horrific time.

Michelle Enebo contacted me just before leaving the hospital post transplant, she'd heard about Georgia through a friend and offered to take family pictures for us.  Let me just say, Michelle is amazing, her style is exactly what I love in a photo, freezing a moment in time but letting the feeling of the moment come through.  Michelle has generously done photos for us at 100 days post transplant and one year post transplant.  When she heard I was pregnant she contacted me and said, "I want to do your newborn photos!"  I was not about to pass up another generous offer!  Last week we went to her house and not only did she take pictures of Leo, she got several of Georgia as well as our family.  Here are the sneak peeks I've seen so far, another incredible job, thank you Michelle!

 

 

 

 

 

Here is a link to a few more photos:

 

http://enebophotoblog.com/in-like-a-lion/

New Normal

We have been busy establishing our new normal over the past couple of weeks, adjusting to very little sleep, juggling two kids with different needs and despite the challenges we're loving every minute.  When I find myself exhausted after being up every two hours through the night I just need one whiff of that baby smell to perk myself up, I wish I could bottle that scent.

Leo is healthy and growing, at his two week check up he was already up to 9lbs 14oz!  He's starting to spend more time alert and is doing a good job of putting up with his sister being right in his face.  Georgia is a wild woman, I don't know if it's because of Leo's arrival, seeing how mellow little babies are or if she has hit a new stride of constant motion.  She literally talks from sun up to sun down, is curious about everything and enjoys pushing the limits on everything.  She's very sweet with Leo, always giving him kisses and saying "hi buddy" or "I love my brother."

Brian had his first trip this week since Leo was born, and I have to say I think I did pretty well for the three days I was on my own, meals were cooked, laundry was done and Brian even commented on how he was impressed with how picked up the house was.  As with everything once we find our right balance, something will shift, but so far our new normal is feeling just fine.

 

Baby Leo

 



I love these rolls!

 



If only I could sleep so soundly

 



Brian and Georgia enjoying the sunshine

 



Clearly a Seattleite, 65 degrees and the clothes come off!

 



 

 

Georgia & Daddy having a little jam session 

 

This was so funny to watch, a little girl chasing two grown men around the yard.. everyone slept well that night.

 

 

This is one of the ways Georgia has been burning up some energy!

 

An alert little Leo