Sunday, May 8, 2011

Hello 34...

Brian surprised me and had coordinated a few of my girlfriends to take me out dinner for my birthday... even though they said there weren't any reservations available our good friend Matt was able to get us in to Cuoco, a new restaurant in town. I had the martini I'd been talking about having for months and enjoyed the perfect night out with some wonderful friends...

Megan picked me up for our night out
Georgia had a little chat with us before leaving

Thanks for a great night!



Here are a few pics of my favorite little person...



Friday, May 6, 2011

When I wake up in the morning I'll be 34, there's no getting around it, that is the age of a grown up. I am certainly ready to leave 33 behind but there is a large part of me that thinks I'm still 29.
To date 33 has been the hardest year of my life but also one that taught me a lot about who I am, what I will stand for and what is important to me. I spend less time worrying about what others think and more time focusing on the simple pleasures I use to miss. Over the last several months some relationships have strengthened while others have been damaged. I have pushed my body and mind further than I thought possible and have greatly expanded my vocabulary. I have more wrinkles but care less about them and at the end of the day I just want peace for my little family. I have been commended for being the mother that I am but I truly believe that anyone in my shoes would be doing the same for their child.
My birthday this year falls the day before Mother's Day so naturally I have been thinking a lot about my mom. So much of who I am today is because of her, a parenting teacher by trade she loved being a mom and so do I. She would have so enjoyed seeing her daughters be moms themselves but to be a grandmother would have been sheer joy.
I have high hopes that 34 will be an uneventful year, meeting more milestones and moving toward our new normal. I look forward to getting back to just being Georgia's mom and getting caught up on some things we've been missing.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Day +104

The past few days have felt like a lovely little bubble of time.. we were officially discharged from the SCCA on Friday, had a nice weekend and yesterday had our first appointment back at Children's Hospital where our doctor said Georgia is doing great. This is the same doctor who has literally been with us since day one - she was the on call Oncology Attending the night we were in the Emergency Department, she also happens to be the oncologist who specializes in JMML. This doctor gets me, she has said on more than one occasion if that every time I met with her I yelled and screamed at her she would understand... and how she didn't know how true the statement "I would throw myself in front of a bus for my children" really was until she became a mom. I felt a great sense of ease knowing that we were going back into her care.

Georgia started a taper on three of her medications on Sunday, the two steroids that are treating her GVHD and one of her immune suppressants.. this is where my worry starts to creep back in, I am again tracking every bite, psychoanalyzing her fussy times and trying to remain calm. If we can successfully follow the taper schedule over the next several weeks we will be in a very good place, right now I am just watching for her body to let us know what it is ready for.

Just before we were discharged after transplant I was contacted by a photographer who had heard about our blog through a friend and offered to take pictures for us.. not knowing what our clinic schedule would be I suggested a Day +100 photo shoot, feeling that the milestone certainly warranted something to commemorate it. Today we made that happen, the weather held, Georgia turned on her charm and away we went.. I will see the photos in the coming days but the photographer, Michelle Enebo sent me one sneak peak.. this was an idea that she had, a special way to honor where this journey began and I love the way it turned out.


Friday, April 29, 2011

Day +100

What has been accomplished in the last 100 days is nothing short of miraculous and the process to get here has been nothing short of terrifying. I think that tumultuous is a word that fairly describes my relationship with the SCCA.. I wanted nothing to do with this organization or the people who worked within it when all of this began, I was scared, angry and really in denial of what needed to happen. Today, gratitude was certainly the message I wanted to communicate. The team that has spent the most time with us outpatient (and some inpatient) were all there today, all commenting on how good Georgia looks and how her wiggles and smiles will be missed. I am so grateful to especially these four people who really care about Georgia and have been thoughtful about her individualized care. The hope is that we will not need to be seen at the SCCA until January for our one year post transplant follow up.
Throughout this process I think I have been seen as far more assertive than I see myself, but in the end I think they all know I am just a mother who loves her daughter. Rare diagnosis and disease aside, I think Georgia has made a mark at the SCCA.



Me, Dr. Carpenter, Nurse Dawn, P.A. Joan & Georgia




Nurse Suni, Dr. Carpenter, Nurse Dawn, P.A. Joan & Georgia











Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Review Conference

We're here, we have come to the point post transplant where it is time for a review conference and that feels huge.
Yesterday Georgia had an MRI on her left leg, the place where her body first showed us that something was terribly wrong. For the past several weeks I kept looking at her leg, feeling it, analyzing her movements and praying that we would get the results that we were hoping for. Naturally things at Children's were running late so we found ourselves wandering the halls... I was walking Georgia up and down and on our way back stopped in front of the Radiology waiting room.. I looked into this empty room at the very chair Georgia and I sat in back in October, I still have moments where I still can't believe this is our reality.
After her MRI we had a clinic visit at the SCCA, the current attending is not exactly what I would call a cheerleader.. her comments have been, "so it looks like Georgia has finally gained a little bit of weight," or "are you doing speech therapy, I haven't heard her talk much" ( for all of the 10 cumulative minutes you've spent with her that's shocking isn't it?). Yesterday was no exception she said they'd let us know when the MRI results were in because "we're all very curious what they will be"... this coming from the doctor who really wanted us to do radiation on her leg. All evening I kept checking the clock and my phone - it was too late for anyone to call with results.
This afternoon we went to the SCCA and sat in the same room where we had the pre-transplant conference, now, here we were reviewing all of the work that has been done. We met with the same attending who lead that first conference, it felt good to be wrapping things up with someone who knows all of us so well. He took us from the conference room to one with two computers, there on the screens were two MRI's one from October and one from yesterday. As he reviewed the pictures with us I payed attention to everything, the pictures, his tone, his expression and of course the words coming out of his mouth. He said that ultimately there are still abnormalities but that after closely reviewing them and consulting with the orthopedic surgeon who has worked with Georgia since the first biopsy (and who was called out of the OR to review these results) and with our Oncology doctor, all agreed that this was most likely a healing leg. The tumor that was on her leg was so aggressive it's hard to believe it would be there and not be destructive like it had been. This of course is all a theory, we will need to keep a very close eye on her leg so she will have another MRI in one month.
Now our true review of the data could begin, all in all the attending said the late VOD was the only "hiccup" during the transplant... he acknowledged that we of course likely felt differently about the process. All of her Day 80 results show 100% donor and her GVHD seems to be well controlled with steroids. We talked about tapering three of her drugs, both of the steroids and one of the immune suppressants over the next two months. For the first time I asked how do we move our lives closer to normal. Over the next three months as we taper these drugs it will show a lot about her new immune system and if GVHD will continue to be a factor. We were given the ok to play with our (healthy) cousins which will be so good for Georgia, she has missed out on normal kid interaction. We were also told that because she was able to avoid total body irradiation she isn't at an increased risk for skin cancer which is a huge relief. We will still need to be very cautious for a year after she is off of any immune suppressants as a sunburn can activate skin GVHD but overall we should treat her like any light eyed, fair haired toddler in the sun.
We have one more clinic appointment with the SCCA then will transfer back to Children's Hospital where the docs will watch over Georgia's continued healing. We still have a very long way to go in this marathon but it feels like maybe we're hitting our stride.