Our bags are packed, we've listened to the Rocky theme song and Eye of the Tiger... I can't believe it's time. My mom use to say 80% of life is just showing up... we'll life, we're here... let's do this!

We're in need of a little help from our friends...

As we prepare to go back to the hospital so many people have asked if there is anything they can do to help so I figured out a way that you can. At 8am on Monday morning Georgia starts chemotherapy, the first four days she will get it four times a day, then days 5-7 she will get it once a day. Our request is this, when you think of Georgia getting her chemotherapy imagine it only attacking the cancer cells.. leaving the rest of her body alone. My step mom gave me a good image, we want the chemo to go to her bone marrow so imagine her long bones a different color than the rest of her body... or imagine the cancer cells as sticky so the chemo will stick to them and wash over the rest of her body leaving it unscathed. Georgia is too young to visualize this for herself but there is proof that this is effective so we can all do this for her.

Here is a paragraph from an article that I found on visualization:


The power of visualization is so strong that is has been found to influence our physiology at a microbiological level. Cancer patients taught to practice visualization of tumors shrinking and cancer cells dying as an adjunct to chemotherapy, got well at a significantly higher rate than a control group receiving only chemotherapy. The literature is full of examples of controlled studies where visualization has been used to enhance both physiology and performance.

Georgia has had a very busy week... learning new things! She is able to stand on her own for several seconds at a time, has started using her toy walker and started saying "bubble" - she'll blow them too if you put the little wand up to her mouth... and saying butter or "bubber" as she likes to call one of her favorite foods and this morning we heard a very clear "hi". This girl is on a roll!

Such a big girl!

Yesterday we had our "Data Review Conference" at the SCCA to go over all of the test results from the past couple of weeks and sign our final consent forms before checking back into the hospital. We dropped Georgia off at Grammy & Grandpa's house so we could focus on the meeting and get any of your last questions answered.
The conference was good in the sense that all of Georgia's test results look good... chest xray, echo cardiogram, dental exam, blood work, all of it. Her lab results show that some of the JMML markers look slightly better, some slightly worse but all enough for everyone to feel confident that this is what we need to do. We were given sheets on the three different types of chemotherapy that she will get during her "conditioning" as they call it. We went over the likely and less likely but possible side effects, then we were done. We walked to the elevator a bit dazed.. that's it, next stop transplant, I can't believe the time has come.
Even though we both wanted to race as fast as we could back to my parents house to hold Georgia we took the opportunity to grab a drink somewhere first. We spotted a little French bistro and thought that would do the trick.. parking was a zoo but we finally found a spot on a side street. We walked hand in hand out to the main road and there across the street was Cafe Flora, a restaurant that always reminds me of my mom, that was where we needed to go. Over 15 years ago my mom had half her liver removed at Swedish hospital, follow up tests showed a short time later a large growth on her liver and the doctors told her there was a 95% chance it was cancer regrowth. She went in for her appointment to confirm but was told that it was actually her liver regenerating, they had never seen a liver regenerate that fast. To celebrate a group gathered at Cafe Flora.
We walked in the restaurant and let the hostess know that we only had time for a quick drink, she showed us to a table in the atrium, the same place we'd celebrated so many years ago. I told Brian about the celebration we'd had with my mom and so many of her friends, I told him how we'd all hung spoons from our noses and how joyful it was. We raised our glasses and Brian said, "to Georgia" our eyes welled up with tears and we took a drink. We talked about how we can do this, it's going to be hard but we can do it, we don't need to set any records we will take as much time as Georgia needs to do this and be done with it. Before we left for good luck we both took our spoons and hung them from our noses... we can do this.

As Sunday draws closer I find myself enjoying all of the simple things that being home allows for... I really feel how comfortable my mattress is, I make sure to have a beer or glass of wine every night, we're going for a lot of walks and appreciating that I am able to take just a couple of steps between my refrigerator and my kitchen table. It is so hard to believe that three months ago today all of this began. I remember talking to Brian on the way to Children's hospital that day, saying we were going for an xray.. he asked if he should meet us there and I said "by the time you get there we'll be on our way home.." I have never in my life been so blindsided. I think about all that Georgia has been through, how she was hoarse from crying so much, that she had seven different attempts at three IV sites, how our entire world became unrecognizable and words that I had tried hard to forget, words like malignant, chemotherapy and cancer were finding their way back into my life.
As we gear up to go back into the hospital I am trying to put on a brave face for Georgia but instead find myself telling her that just because I'm crying it doesn't mean I don't believe everything is going to be ok - I know it will be.. in the same breath I want to beg my 13 month old daughter for forgiveness, tell her that I am so sorry she has to go through chemotherapy again. I believe, I know with all of my heart and soul that Georgia is going to come through this just fine, she will be healthy again and free from Leukemia... how we have to get there is what I'm scared of.
Tonight we played our "Georgia Dance Music" cd that Grammy made for us... we did lots and lots of twirling... you can't do that when you're hooked up to an IV so we're getting in some extra twirls in now until we can again.

When I was pregnant I signed up for a PEPS group knowing how much by sister had enjoyed meeting other moms with kids the same age I thought I would be fun to experience that myself. I remember going to our first meeting, everyone telling their labor story, we started meeting for walks and I always looked forward to the meetings each week. When we were in the hospital I got so much support in many different ways from all of these women... those who'd I'd met only a few months earlier - each one of them knew what it felt like to be a first time mom, each one of them knew Georgia. Shortly after we arrived home Sandee dropped off a quilt that she'd made and each of the kids had put their hand print on.. there was one empty square in the middle for Georgia's hand. The quilt is amazing, each fabric was thoughtfully picked out to remind us of angles, family, healing and cancer survivors and of course all of our buddies that we can't wait to play with again. Thank you to all of the moms and babes and especially Sandee for making this for us, it is proudly displayed on the playroom wall.

New Year's Eve day we drove up to the pass to get out of town, see the snow and put our new camera to use! It felt good to get away and Brian couldn't wait to show Georgia the "Magic Carpet" at Alpental - it's a little covered moving carpet for the beginners. Whenever he goes up to the mountain he always takes his last run on St. Bernard, it's the bunny chair... every time he comes home he tells me how Georgia's chair was running and he did one run for her. If he has anything to do with it she'll be on skis next winter.. even when we were staying in the hospital he spotted a tiny pair of pink skis in the nearby sports store. I hope you like snow sports Georgia because daddy has big plans for you!

Checking out the Magic Carpet